I am

I was so cute with blue hair, why did I ever dye it?

Three days ago I found this gorgeous little kitty on the street. She was clearly starved, covered in dirt and crying. She’s also blind. When I started walking up to her she cried and cried because she could hear someone. When I petted her a tiny bit she began to rub up against me and cry.

I swear to god my heart stopped. I thought ‘I have to save this cat. If I walk away, it will most likely die.’

So I called my lovely boyfriend who agreed to let me bring her back and put her in the laundry. After managing to find a can of tuna in the back of the pantry for her, we watched as she wolfed it down. I called my mom who has had cats her whole life, often ones hours she herself rescued and sheltered, and asked for advice.

Then, we bought her special old cat extra protein cat food, a litter tray and litter, a bowl for food and water and a cat bed so she had somewhere comfy to sleep.

She is so happy now.

She purrs like mad every time I enter the room.

She is already looking healthier, though it will take a while to fatten her up, but at least she has more energy now.

If we leave her alone for too long she cries until someone comes and spends time with her.

She is the loveliest cat I’ve cat ever come across and I really hope I can find her owners, because it seems to me she was probably an indoor cat who somehow got out and couldn’t find her way back home.

Oh, and we named her Cloud.

For two years I’ve been telling everyone I’m going to study journalism.

For two years I’ve been telling everyone I want to be a journalist, I’m going to be a journalist. 

For three weeks I’ve been sitting in classes thinking ‘fuck, I don’t think I can do this…’

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Moved into Cinema Studies and now I get to sleep an extra 2 hours on Tuesdays!

Hell yeah.

Got through my first day of university with a significant lack of hurling or crying - yay me!

makotheman:

pancakepower:

I have always been really body positive and happy in myself, but over the past 6 months or so I have become increasingly insecure and I really have no idea how to deal with it.

It’s the first time I’ve started actually putting on a noticeable amount of weight, and despite not weighing myself for…

0-0, you seriously feel that broken about it? Well just try to assign another meaning to losing weight, like staying healthy and living longer. all this ( feeding into beauty standard drama) seems like a ridiculous reason not to exercise when there is so much more benefits to losing weight then just being better looking. stop thinking about it so much and just do it already, it’s not worth all the insecurity

Sorry but my ‘health’ is not the issue. My life is drastically changing and so am I as a person and I know and believe that I do not need to worry about something like how ‘healthy’ I am right now. I am nineteen, I don’t need to worry about ‘living longer’. I need to worry about finding myself, growing, learning and becoming a better person. The fact is telling yourself it’s about your ‘health’ is so often just a giant lie to make yourself seem less shallow and feel less like you’ve been bullied into changing yourself for the sake of others. I know it’s not my health I care about. It literally is a body image issue for me, and using the ‘fitness’ line won’t change that. So yes, I feel very broken about so suddenly losing my confident, strong personality and finding myself overwhelmed by near-constant negative media influences. Telling me the benefits of ‘getting fit’ is not helpful to my situation in the slightest.

I have always been really body positive and happy in myself, but over the past 6 months or so I have become increasingly insecure and I really have no idea how to deal with it.

It’s the first time I’ve started actually putting on a noticeable amount of weight, and despite not weighing myself for literally like 6 years, despite always telling people that bodies are beautiful regardless of their shape or size, despite always eating what I want whenever I want… I am finding myself buying into the exact shit I try so hard to fight against. I don’t look at other women and see and object that is ‘not good enough’ in various ways, so why am I beginning to see myself that way?

I am really confused and scared because I feel insecure and uncomfortable in my own skin, and I want to change that, but at the same time I know that I shouldn’t have to and if I start dieting or exercising to lose weight I will just become part of the twisted system that makes money off making women feel bad about themselves.

Tonight I noticed a few stretch marks that I’d never seen before and I almost cried. And then I did cry because I realised how completely awful it is to look at and judge myself in that way.

I go from being completely set on exercising, eating less and cutting out junk food to practically ripping my hair out for even contemplating it. I hate exercise. I love food. I hate the idea that I am meant to change my lifestyle to fit a beauty standard that I find abhorrent.  But I also hate the idea that I suck in my stomach when I’m with my boyfriend and dislike what I see when I look in the mirror.

I just don’t know how to love myself right now.

The first Christmas my Korean sister-in-law spent with us she didn’t realize my sisters were into K-Pop and when she was drunk and everyone was dancing to Big Bang she was all like ‘Wow! I didn’t realize my English was so good! I understand everything so well!’ 

My little sister didn’t know how to spell ‘Sarah’…
"Merry Chrismis Sewer"

My little sister didn’t know how to spell ‘Sarah’…

"Merry Chrismis Sewer"

So guess who won a motherfuckin’ iPad Air? Myself bitches. Reapin’ the rewards of a year of hell.

(This was my prize for getting the top score in the school for year 12/ my final year of school. Going to sell this baby and get myself a better tablet for less money, fuck you Apple.)

I am trying really hard to look like a twat and succeeding, don’t judge me.